on sunday, april 29 2012, i overcame my fear.  

my fear of telling people how i feel, not hiding my feelings in some box i keep locked up inside me with a lost key.

I have never been so nervous.  verge of tears, my heart pounding, my whole body shaking.  I could barely put myself together to start off a normal conversation. 

I almost didnt do it.  I almost walked away without saying a word.  i always knew it was him.  he knew me the best, he knew my secrets, the things i couldnt even tell my best friend.  so why was it so hard for me to say a simple sentence: i like you…

because its never been just that.  a family friend, turned trusted peer, turned boy i could playfully flirt with without a care…except there was a care.  a care i didnt see forming.  it’s not just that i like him.  its that i trust  him.  

i will never understand why it took me this long, when the signs were all there.  i know its probably too late, but i said it.  i told him.  and now i cant sleep…its a scary place im in right now, waiting.  waiting for something, anything to happen…to be said…

i dont know why im writing this on here, i guess its cause i cant sleep.  and because i dont want to talk about this feeling thats stuck in my stomach.  the feeling thats keeping me awake.  i dont even know basically any of the people who follow me.  its not a lot i know that, but to the people that are following me, and take the time to read this babbling brook of an essay…;

do it.  if you have someone in your life you care about, or like, or love….tell them.  the weight of the world left me the moment the words left my lips.  the waiting is bad, but its nothing compared to not knowing.  whether or not anything happens with me and this boy, im never going to regret telling him how i feel.  i can say that im proud of myself, and thats something to note down in my book.  my fear of saying what i feel has vanished, and i can thank louis samuel for that.  

so to louis, thank you.  and if at some point in your life you ever read this ramble of words, your the reason i cant sleep tonight.